For Friends and Family

When Someone Tells You They Hear Voices:

It can be very hard when someone you care about tells you they hear voices.  Because of the way the media have portrayed mental conditions over the years, all sorts of fears and concerns might go through your head.  What we would like to do here is take a look at some of the questions people commonly have and try to give you some meaningful answers.  We’ve also included some links which you might find helpful.

It is worth mentioning that, for many voice hearers, their voices cause them no trouble at all. They can be friendly, calm, and even helpful. However for others, the story is quite different, and that what we’re going to be talking about here.

Why is it happening to them?

Nobody is really sure why voice hearing happens.  The same is true for seeing visions.  There are many possible explanations, as you can probably imagine, psychological, environmental, spiritual and religious, many with a sound medical basis.  For example, some people hear or see things as a result of temporal lobe epilepsy (a part of the brain helps you to process sensory inputs).  Equally, they can be brought about by brain injury or a neurological disorder.

Stress, whether it is acute or chronic, can also play a part in the development of voices, and so can other issues such as PTSD, depression, OCD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder or psychosis.  For some people, hearing voices and seeing visions is a part of their spiritual beliefs or practices, and in this context, these things can seem quite normal for them.

Perhaps the more important question isn’t ‘why?’ but ‘what?’.

What is it like to hear voices?…

The experience of either hearing voice or seeing visions can vary greatly from person to person.  For some the voices are benign, even friendly.  But for many it can be difficult, confusing and even frightening.

Take a moment to imagine this: you have just heard something.  It’s a voice, and it’s speaking directly to you.  It seems to be in the room with you, because you can hear it in much the same way as you hear everything else.  But there’s no-one there who could have said it.  What would your first reaction be?  Fear?  Bewilderment?  Shame?

What’s the struggle like?

Let’s take a look at some of the factors which leave voice hearers struggling, often alone, to make sense of it all.  Voices and visions are as unique as the person experiencing them, but there are three fairly common factors which shape that experience.

1. The first is the identity of the voice.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that the voice is of a specific person (although it can be), but it will often have attributes which distinguish it from other voices and make it identifiable to some degree.
2. Then there is the content of the voice, what it says, and also how it says it.  It can be one thing to be criticised by a voice, but to have this screamed at you can make it all the more distressing for the hearer.
3. Which brings us to the third factor, which is the emotional impact of this on the hearer.  If the voice is bullying them, opening emotional wounds, even continuing the abuse of long ago, then it’s easy to see how this can be overwhelming.  Feelings of grief, fear, shame, helplessness, and anger can dominate a hearer’s inner life, making it all but impossible to engage with and enjoy an ordinary everyday life.

Stigma

One of the biggest barriers, when it comes to talking about hearing voices and seeing visions, is the fear of stigma or rejection.  Being afraid of someone’s reaction, of their judgement or even hostility, can leave the hearer in a very isolated and lonely position.  More often than not, they will do anything to hide this aspect of their lives.

The Voices Demand Attention

It’s worth noting that, because the voices can take over the hearer’s attention, they might be slower in their reactions to what other people are saying or doing.  Because of this they are thought of as ‘stupid’ or ‘ignorant’ when nothing could be further from the truth.  Unfortunately, when this happens in a place where the hearer is under pressure, being bullied, or simply in a place where people are generally unsympathetic, this can make it much harder to ignore the voices.  As a result, the effect on the hearer becomes amplified because their critical voices are reinforced by those around them.  If all this happens in a noisy place, then taking any sort of control becomes extremely difficult and the hearer can become overwhelmed. This doesn’t have to be a factory or a busy street.  It can just as easily be at home.

Everyone’s Different:

Bear in mind that this is just a guide.  The places and situations where these things can happen are as varied as the people who hear voices themselves.  But being able to recognise and understand at least some of what is going on is the first step in beginning to help.

… and What can I do to help?

If there is one thing which anyone needs when they are in trouble, it is this:

They Need To Be Heard.

So listen; don’t judge; don’t try to fix; and don’t be afraid to say when you don’t understand something – you’re not the one hearing voices after all.  The person you’re caring for may well appreciate your honesty and feel safer in trying to explain.  Be patient, listen through the silences and never try to make someone talk.  All support is based on trust and the first rule of trust is consent.  They don’t have to talk to you, but letting them know that they can if they want to could be the lifeline they’ve been waiting for.

How to start a conversation about hearing voices

Durham University and The Wellcome Trust have created the two leaflets below which might be helpful to download. One is about starting a conversation about hearing voices as a friend or family member, and the other is for voice hearers giving some suggestions on how to start a conversation with friends and loved ones.

Talking About Hearing Voices –  for Supporters,  Family and Friends Sometimes it’s difficult for people to know what to say when someone confides that they are hearing voices, especially if their voices are overwhelming. It’s OK to worry about not knowing how to react or saying ‘the wrong thing’. If you support someone who hears voices, you might find these suggestions helpful when it comes to talking about their experiences.  If you support someone who hears voices, you might find these suggestions helpful when it comes to talking about their experiences. 

Download here

Talking About Hearing Voices – Suggestions For Voice Hearers.  It can be hard to know how to start a conversation and feel comfortable talking about hearing voices with family, friends, and other people in your life. Here are some ideas and suggestions around how to plan for a conversation about voices which might help to make talking about your experiences easier. A good place to start can be asking yourself – why am I thinking of telling someone? Do you want understanding and emotional support, a sounding board to help you figure things out, access to mental health services, or changes at university or in the office to help you work more effectively? Being able to answer these questions can shape what type of conversation you have and with whom.

Download here